Still Waiting

I'm so sorry to any of you who are still reading this blog....but there is absolutely nothing new to report. We have heard nothing from CCAA. We just wait. I followed up with our agency again today to see if they knew anything -- waiting to hear from them as well.

It is kind of interesting though - in our Bible Fellowship Class on Sunday our teacher spoke about waiting on God and being patient. This is exactly where we are. He taught this lesson from Mark 4: 35-41

"35 And the same day, when the evening was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side. 36 And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships. 37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full. 38 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?

39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm. 40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith? 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?"

And so we wait.

Still Waiting

Haven't heard anything from Agency on the PA nor the requested updates on measurements, etc.

Frustrating to say the least. I'm not annoyed that they haven't given us any answers - but a simple response letting me know they are looking into it would be appreciated.

On a side note - the birth certificates and marriage license that I was warned can take 30-45 days to come in - came in last week. Super fast. Check those off the list.

Requests

I emailed our agency last night about our concerns re: head circumference. Asked them for updated measurements and requested that they request a developmental skills assessment test. Haven't heard back from them.

Saw on a forum that I frequent that other families that submitted their LOI (letter of intent) the same day as us received their PA (pre-approval) today. Still thinking that we have like a 3% chance of China approving us for this adoption due to my "health issues" - chronic hypertension.

I feel more at peace about all Grant's medical stuff today. Eric and I have said all along that we didn't know if we were ultimately going to be Grant's forever family -- but that we felt we should walk down this path and see where it takes us. God has a plan and it will be revealed to us in time.

Trusting

I wasn't sure if I was going to share this. Not because it is any more personal to me than anything else I've written about on this blog - it has all been deeply personal. But I hesitate with this because it is ultimately not about me - it is about this child -- I hesitate because I don't want any future opinions about him colored. But I have decided to write about it - mainly because it depicts how much this journey is a journey of faith....and the point of me sharing our experience is to share with others what God has done and is continuing to do in our life. To hopefully encourage others to trust in Him with all they have.

As you know I sent the 6 pages of medical info to an international adoption pediatrician. 6 pages - I know, not much for a 5 year old...add on to that the fact that it has been translated from Chinese into English and large parts of it read "illegible". So who knows how accurate any of it really is...but nonetheless - I wanted to at least have it looked over. I'm kind of wishing I hadn't bothered.

We received a call back from the IA dr. - she told us what we could expect from his "obvious" special need. I'm not sure if I've mentioned on here yet that he has radial abnormalities. Basically his hands did not develop fully in the womb and he has some deformity of his right hand and almost complete deformity of his left hand. The dr. described that although some surgery to the left hand might possibly increase his usage - it will not ever be "normal". We already knew this and have really considered it no big deal. I don't say no big deal to make light of this - but just to say that we are not concerned and this would never make us question our decision to move forward with adopting this child. We know that activities throughout his life will be more challenging to him - and there will no doubt be times when his feeling get hurt - but we are prepared to deal with all of that and love him just the same. What we were not prepared for is the next bit of information she provided. His measurements are low - off the chart low -- off the US growth chart and off the Chinese growth chart low. While she did not have any concerns about his height and weight being so low - she did raise concerns about his head circumference being so low - consistently. She mentioned that it is in the microcephalic range, which is concerning - as this is a high indicator of some sort of delay - whether it be cognitive, emotional, etc. She also mentioned that some kids just have a small head and that's all it is - a small head - they do not encounter any other difficulties. I will not lie - this information had me on the computer for hours searching for information.

It is impossible to tell if he will encounter delays or worse - it is impossible to tell if he is already displaying delays - we are not there with him - we simply do not know. I will not lie and say that this does not make me uneasy. It does - just when I felt good and at ease with our decision, here I am again questioning if I can really take this leap. Can I really give all of myself - wholly and completely to this child should he require major assistance - possibly well into his adulthood? Am I willing to add this risk on top of all the other risks associated with this adoption? I have even questioned if this is really what we are being called to do -- even though just last week I was 100% certain. It is scary to me how much of a sinner I am. The mention of one additional unanticipated thing that may make my life uneasy - turns me upside down and has me questioning our decision to move forward.

The bottom line is that we really don't know anything. We don't know the true medical situation that is or is not present. He may not be affected at all. The measurements may be wrong. The measurements may have been translated incorrectly. The file could have been copied from another kid. The measurements may be right - but he may just have a small head - he is a small kid. The measurements may be right - he may have minor delays that are totally manageable and do not cause much anguish. The measurements may be right - he may have major developmental delays. The measurements may be right - he might be severely mentally challenged. Bottom line is we simply do not know - and we probably won't until we get over there with him. All I know is that this boy is special (to us and to God)- and we need to keep walking down this path. We cannot give up on him simply because of the unknown. God is with us and will provide us what we need. So we take another step - another leap of faith.

I am now praying for peace again - not for patience as I was last week. But for peace of mind that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing - that this is truly what God has called us to do. Praying for God's hand in the decision process currently going on in China -- praying that if we are to have this child - if we are to raise this child in our home - that doors will open and China will grant us pre-approval (PA) to adopt this precious little boy. Also praying that God will begin to prepare us for what may come.

God has not forgotten Grant and we can't either. The following scripture has given me sustenance. "Then the King will say to those on the right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you fed me. I was thirsty and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger and you invited me into your home. I was naked and you gave me clothing. I was sick and you cared for me. I was in prison and you visited me.' Then these righteous ones will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison, and visit you?' And the King will say, 'I assure you, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.'" ~Matthew 25: 34-40

Prayer and Seeking

For those of you who don't know I've had 3 miscarriages in the past 15 months. God has taught me so much through these tough moments. So much. I am now completely reliant on God. I have given over all my plans and have surrendered to His will. His timing. He has strengthened me and my walk. The second miscarriage was the toughest on me - mainly because I was further along than I was with the first and really didn't even know if the first was the first until later (that probably doesn't make a lot of sense - but basically I never had any blood work done to confirm it). At the time of the second we had been trying to get pregnant for 9 months. I started miscarrying on Easter Sunday. I did not understand how God could create something so beautiful and then it not be meant to be. I did not understand how I could get past the feeling of sadness for the little life that was growing inside me that would never be. It was a tough time - a really tough time. But God led me through it and my love for him and desire to do all for him has grown tremendously. Over these past few months I have really learned to surrender what I think should happen to God's plan. I'm not saying that I have learned to sit on the sidelines of my life and not make decisions or not move forward - but I have learned to seek God's will - to ask for guidance - to pray to pray to pray. I have prayed these past few months like I never have before. And God has responded - he has opened my eyes and changed my heart.

Today was a strange day. I finally had my appointment with a specialist to discuss infertility and the miscarriages. If you asked me six months ago about this upcoming appointment I would have had my list of questions for the dr. layed out with my charts and zillions of ideas as to why we didn't have a child on the way yet and my zillions of ideas of what tests to run and what medications I should start taking, etc. But today I went in there with my head cleared - honestly I didn't even really care about going. I almost canceled my appointment - as you know we are seeking an approval on an adoption. I didn't really have much to say - didn't really have any burning questions for the dr. I'm in a weird place. It is such a change. But at the same time it's not a weird place - it's with God. I'm moving forward and seeking answers on the infertility and moving forward with this adoption - just waiting on God's work to be seen in either. So end of the story - Dr. gave me a prescription to make ovulation occur more regularly - he thinks this is the cause of my issues. A simple prescription - he thinks will work. A simple prescription that I could have had about 12 months ago - but I am so grateful to the Lord that I did not get this prescription months and months ago - I am thankful for all I have been through these past months to bring me to where I am today. It has been amazing. Hard at times - but amazing. I have been blessed through this.

I heard from the agency today that they submitted our LOI to CCAA (China) - so now we just wait. Wait for God to open doors if we are to adopt this little boy. It is a good place to be in. I feel comforted knowing that we are walking in his plan. I am not going to start the prescription unless CCAA denies our LOI and we know that we are not able to get Grant. I do hope that they approve us. Grant so needs a forever family...and I am going to once again be crushed if this child too is taken from me. But if that happens I have peace that it is God's will...and will be glad that we decided to follow him on this journey. I feel like I keep using that term in this post, God's will - but it is true. It is where I am. Complete dependence and trust in the Lord and his plan. I am so grateful to be here. I hope that I always am.

Dr. X - MIA

So I have now waited three days to receive that call back from Ash's ped. Don't think it's happening. Instead of calling back and probably getting more frustrated I have emailed the information we have to a well known pediatrician who specializes in international adoption. She is only charging $50 for a review of the info we have and will call us to discuss the next day. Many on a forum that I frequent have raved about her and have stated that she is a 'worst case scenario' dr. Good - bring it on. I want to hear it. I will feel better having at least one set of eyes aside from our non-medical background selves. I know that the medicals may be wrong or incomplete - but I feel it is better that we at least get it reviewed. Here's hoping I get that call early tomorrow...check another thing off the list. I'm all about check marks these days!

wait

I'm not sure if I'm going to survive this waiting game. 10 - 14 months. I am on day 8 and am having a really hard time with this. If we are supposed to be Grant's forever family - then I want to get him now. It is hard to think about him and not know what kind of care he is receiving and not know what he does each day.

I will begin praying for patience during this wait. I am going to need it.

It was raining when we woke up this morning - so I nixed our plan to drive to Ft. Worth. I instead just put our request in the mail. Hope it gets there and the marriage license copy gets back here. I think we have time though...so there's no need to rush out in the rain for this document at this point.

DUH

First frustrating, "are you serious, adoption moment"

Called Ashley's pediatrician's office to see if her dr. would review our 6 pages of sparse medical info on Grant and give us a little insight. HA! Seems easy enough, right? WRONG!

Receptionist: Hello, blah blah blah

Me: My daughter is a patient of Dr. X, we are in the process of adopting a little boy from China that is considered special needs. I would like to schedule a time to review his medical file w/ Dr. X.

Receptionist: How old is the child, Dr. X can only see new patients for well checks.

Me: He is 5.

Receptionist: Is he current on his shots?

Me: I don't know - all I have on him is 6 sheets of paper - there is no shot information.

Receptionist: Well, I can't schedule an appointment without knowing which well check visit this will be and we have to know if he's current on his shots for that.

Me: I don't see why this matters - he will not be coming with me - I haven't adopted him yet. I just want Dr. X to look over his medical file. It won't take long maybe 15 minutes - we don't have much.

Receptionist: Does he have insurance?

Me: No, not yet. We haven't adopted him yet - but he will once it is final.

Receptionist: Well, I can't book an appointment for him.

Me: How much is Dr. X's standard rate for an appt? We can just pay for it.

Receptionist: I already told you that I can't book you for an appointment because you don't know about his shots.

Me: I don't see why it matters - he won't be coming for shots. Can I book an appointment like I did before we had our daughter Ashley. We came in to chat. Can I have an appointment like that?

Receptionist: No, those consults are only for new parents.

Me: I will be a new parent to this child.

Receptionist: You said he was five.

Me: I just want to show her his file - is there any way to do this?

Receptionist: I will track down Dr. X in between appointments and see what she says - either she or I will call you back.

Me: Thank you. I really appreciate your help. ((( trying not to scream or show my sarcasm!)

Still waiting 2 days later for a call. nice.

I know this is just one of many frustrations to come. I have heard that enrolling in school is fun without a social security number or shot record. YIPEE! But honestly I hope I get to fight those battles - because if I don't that means that we were denied Grant.

LOI to agency

We drafted our LOI (Letter of Intent) to CCAA (China) seeking pre-approval to adopt Grant. We also submitted three photographs of our family.

I emailed the letter to our agency - who will then translate our LOI and submit it electronically to CCAA. We have been told that it could be a few days to several weeks before we hear on our PA.

I am still very nervous about getting rejected; although our agency seems to think we will receive a waiver. Time will tell.

Still praying for God's guidance in this process. Praying that God will open doors for us if this is to be and get the waiver granted.

Birth Certificates

Submitted a request tonight for our Birth Certificates. These will be part of our DTC (Dossier to China). At least I think so -- or they might be for our homestudy or perhaps for our I800 --- it is all slightly confusing to me. I just know that at some point we will need these and it's just easier to go ahead and request now rather than wait for them later.

I think Ashley and I will hop in the car tomorrow morning and make a drive to fort worth. Eric and I's marriage certificate is filled in Tarrant County. Requests can be made in person for a certified copy -- so I think we will do that tomorrow. Just another document that we can mark off the list.

I really want to get a jump start on all the paperchasing as it's called. I don't want the ball to ever be in our court just waiting on something that we could have had done. The wait is 10-14 months. And I don't want to add to that with any delays we could prevent.

The Decision

I started to feel very strongly the past two weeks that God has placed a child in front of us and we are supposed to follow him and proceed down the path to adoption. While we wait to hear back from the agency contact there are so many what if's that I can think of and so many fears I have that this whole thing could go so terribly wrong. I feel so deeply that God is willing this - I must stand courageous and follow what I feel is right.

I read the Proverbs 31 Ministries daily devotion. Here is today's...

"Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" 1 Samuel 17:26b (NIV)

I grew up loving the story of David and Goliath. I read about it in little Golden Books, and Sunday school teachers retold the drama using flannel boards. I can almost picture the shepherd boy David standing his ground in front of the giant Goliath with only a slingshot, while the entire Israelite army quaked in fear. Woosh, woosh, woosh, around his head the slingshot swung. With a strong arm, David let the stone fly and bam! The giant fell, and David was victorious.

What a great story! But is it a story to be left in the history books, or are we to learn anything from David's example? As I read the passage in 1 Samuel, chapter 17, a few things jumped out at me. First, David wasn't planning to get in a fight that day. He was just an errand boy sent to deliver food to his brothers. So truly, he was just a bystander to the fight. But as David neared the front lines, he quickly realized what was happening. He heard the taunts of Goliath, and got drawn into the situation. Something within David's heart started to stir. David tried to get someone to answer his questions about this bully. He wanted to know what was going to be done.

David finally asked in exasperation: "Who is this uncircumcised Philistine that he should defy the armies of the living God?" David's anger wasn't for the threat given to himself, nor his brothers. His anger burned because someone dared to threaten and defy those chosen by his God.

When the trained professionals wouldn't step forward, David – confident of his God's power and protection – put five stones in his shepherd's bag and approached the bully. Calmly, David said to Goliath, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied" (1 Samuel 17:45).

We could write off the courage of David as a legend to be enjoyed, but not applied to our lives today. Except for two biblical truths: 1) David was a man after God's heart (Acts 13:22) and 2) God doesn't change (Malachi 3:6).

Although Jesus calls us to a life of forgiveness and compassion, even He didn't tolerate those who dishonored God's holy temple. With righteous indignation, Jesus turned over tables, and drove out money changers and those who were selling doves within the walls of the temple, accusing them of turning His father's house into "a den of robbers" (Mark 11:17). The Bible records many stories of men and women with moral courage. These individuals knew what was right, and were willing to take a stand in spite of their own fear. They weren't perfect, but the heroes of our faith saw injustice as more than a personal offense, they saw it as an offense against God.

As it becomes easier to settle into a life of ambiguity, our children are finding it harder to summon moral outrage. Today a challenge is set before us as parents to raise, and to be, men and women who will stand for what is right. We live in a world that needs the touch of God through the hand of His people. We can't be bystanders and make a difference.

As parents we can instill moral courage into our children by stepping out in faith to help someone else, in spite of inherent risks. You see, we can't learn moral courage from a book. We can only learn it by being brave once. Then doing it again

Dear Lord, there's a part of my heart that stirs when I read of the brave heroes in the Bible. I know there is so much to do in the world. But You know my fear. Help me to trust You more, so that I can stand up for what is right in spite of the danger. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Agency Application

Told the agency yesterday. We submitted our agency application today.

Received auto-response - agency contact is out of the office until Monday...of course.

Eric is there

WOW. I did not see this coming. Eric called me at lunch today. He never calls from work. I honestly thought something was wrong. It wasn't. He just said, "I think we should go for it".

So -- here we go. I am scared and at peace. This is from God.

Eric says he doesn't know if we are ultimately supposed to raise Grant - but he feels that we need to trust God and go down this path and see where God takes us. He is so wise.

Jen is there

I feel at peace. I feel God is calling us to attempt to adopt Grant. I say attempt because of the requirements China places on adoptive families. We do not qualify - we will need to see a waiver.

Eric and I talked for a long time tonight. He says he's still not sure. I completely respect that. And honestly am relieved to have the decision off me. While I feel that God is calling us on this path -- I am scared to death. There are so many what if's. So many. We are blind as to the outcome of this - completely. I am relying on the fact that I can continue to pray that if God desires this for our family that he will put Grant on Eric's heart...until then I will wait. But I did mention to Eric tonight that I'm there. I feel this is what we are supposed to do...and I don't want to still be sitting here considering Grant in December. Simply because time is important here. Grant turned five on September 5th - each day we sit around waiting is another day that he gets older. The older he gets the greater chance we have of him and Ashley being in the same grade. Having said that I did not put a deadline on Eric's decision. I am going to sit back and continue to pray for awhile more.

Contact from Agency

Well, even though I told myself to forget this one - that I didn't feel comfortable with all the risk. I can't stop thinking about Grant. I have prayed so many nights while laying in bed. I'm not sure if I even get more than a few hours of sleep because I just lay there praying. Last night I specifically asked God to show me clearly if we should pursue this adoption.

Three things happened - and I'm not saying that each of these was from God -- but I'm not saying that they weren't either.

1. The agency contact reached out to me this morning. Her email was so kind and not pushy at all as I remember the last one being. She simply asked if we were still considering this child and if she could answer any more questions for us. So of course I went back and read her last email to us - the one where I thought she was pushy - and realized that she wasn't being pushy at all and actually answered all of our previous questions.

2. I also specifically prayed about the age difference between Ashley and Grant. While Eric and I are open to adopting out of birth order - we did not want them in the same grade. I prayed that I would feel peace about this should it happen and prayed for wisdom about this. I was searching our school districts website for enrollment dates to make sure that I was right that Grant would be one year ahead of Ashley should we get him soon and he be able to start Kindergarten on time - when I found a blessing. Our school district is the only one in the state of Texas that has a Chinese/English bilingual Kindergarten program. WOW! So if we can get him home and get him in this program he will still be able to stay one year ahead of Ashley. I have chills. I know the transition could go badly and he may not be able to start school when we hope that he can - but this at least gives us some possibility of it happening.

3. This is totally dumb - I know. But I was reading about adopting older children on a well known blog and all of the posts were from one writer -- there were about 20 posts -- and the writer's name is Grant. So dumb - I know - I'm not saying it's a "sign". But just one more thing today that is putting Grant in front of me.

So I am emailing the agency contact back - asking for her thoughts on if he would be able to enter a Chinese/English Kindergarten when we get him home. Not expecting much of an answer b/c I know it is so dependent on each specific child....but we'll see what she has to say.

Grant's File

The agency contact responded and sent us Grant's file. We have about 6 pages of various medical check-ups and we also have a 2 page document on all the things he can do (dress himself, recite poetry, hop on one foot, etc). We also received about 6 photos of him. None are baby photos.

I responded to her with our 3 rather serious questions.

1. What are our chances of getting approved? Is agency willing to hold off on collecting fees until we receive approval?

2. How long is it from the day we tell you 'yes' from the day we bring him home? We are concerned about a long wait and that pushing school back and then him and Ashley being in the same grade.

3. What is your side of the story regarding the news expose? What happens if you lose your accreditation to place children? What happens to our adoption should you go out of business?

Received a response the next day. I felt that the responses were not adequate and were kind of pushy. Told myself to forget it. I just felt uneasy. Told Eric the same thing.

Scary Stuff

Being the psycho internet sleuth that I am - I have been trying to find any info that I can on "our" agency. Well, what I found wasn't good. Apparently they were featured on a television program in another country and not in a good light. Unethical behavior in one of their country programs. While this program is not the China program -- and while I'm not sure how you can ever know whose side the truth lies on - it still concerns me. I don't want to work with an agency that may or may not be ethical.

Contacted Agency

Although we still aren't sure if this is what God is calling us to do, we have contacted the agency that holds Grant's file to get some more information from them.

The lady that we contacted is out of the office on vacation until October 6th. Man, that seems like forever to get some more information. China has specific requirements that adoptive parents must meet. We do not meet two of those rules. In some instances they are willing to waive the requirements for waiting children (SN). We emailed the agency contact to see what she thought our chances of getting approved are. We will continue to pray about this child.

CHOSEN: one day workshop

CHOSEN hosted another If You Were Mine workshop. This was just a one day workshop - but it was on Saturday and Eric was able to attend with me - not just talk about it with me while I attended.

We didn't decide until the last minute to attend. It was good. Glad we went. Eric is still not sure if now is the time. Honestly, I'm not sure either. I keep praying and seeking guidance from God.

Eric sees Grant

I finally told Eric about Grant. Not that I was hiding him -- but rather I guess I didn't realize how much I thought of this boy until now. I shared his picture and little bio with Eric and we watched his video together.

"Grant"

There is a little boy who has captured my heart. I think of him often. I watch his video on an agency website several times a week. I have kept this to myself. No one reads this blog - it is private for now. He is precious. He is in my thoughts always. I have started calling him Grant as he is only assigned a number - I do not know his name. To me he is Grant.

Lord, is this our little boy? Why do I think of him so often? Why has his sweet little video captured my heart and thoughts? Are we to adopt this little boy? Is it your will for us to adopt now? adopt Grant? If it is your will, Lord, please put adoption on Eric's heart.

CHOSEN: finished up

The CHOSEN workshop is over. I have learned so much from this workshop. So much. I very much recommend anyone who might be considering adoption to attend a workshop like this. It is so good to have all the information layed out in front of you and to have the week in between each session to process the information.

Still praying daily for God to show us his will. Are we supposed to adopt? Are we supposed to help orphans in another way? Mainly praying that if we are to adopt that Eric will take more of an interest in this. He has said all along that he is open to adoption and can see us adopting someday -- just not sure when that time will be.

In our workshop we learned that in most couples there is a 'drag'er and a 'drag'ee. I would say that we fall into this category. Although I'm not certain that we are to adopt right now - I just feel more strongly about it than Eric does. Only time will tell.

Agency Lists

There are two routes to take when adopting internationally - which is what Eric and I think we would do should we decide to adopt. You can select an agency who will then match you with a child or you can search for your child on your own by scouring several lists and then going with the agency that has your child on their list.

Since we are no where near deciding on adoption I thought I would get access to a few agency lists - just to see what it's all about. I have access to about 5 agency lists and have been looking at the kids frequently. Mainly I look at orphans in China...little girls. None of the kids have really jumped out at me. I have access to the waiting children lists (special needs). In China the wait for a NSN (non-special needs) referral is approaching 4 years. That is forever long - and if we decide to adopt I do not want to wait that long. Many of the children on these lists have very minor special needs or are considered waiting children because they are above the age of 3.

If You Were Mine - weeks 1 & 2

We discussed God's heart for the orphan. Did you know that the Bible mentions caring for the poor and oppressed approximately 2,100 times in Scripture?

God reserves a special place in his heart for the orphan and calls upon us to help protect them. Definitely not saying that everyone should adopt. Adoption is not for everyone - is it for us? We aren't sure. But there are so many other ways to help the orphan.

Donate time. Donate funds. Get involved in a school supply drive. Foster a child. Pray for orphans. Everyone can do something for orphans and it does not always have to be adopting a child.

Compassion

I often wonder if I am called by God to adopt or if the desire to care for others is just something that my mother instilled in me. Or is it because I am to be called to adoption that God led my mother to instill this deep level of compassion for the orphan inside me. The longer I pray about this and for God to show me if this is His will for our life here on Earth - I lean more towards the latter. Towards God leading my Mother to instill this in me all those years while growing up. Growing up I can remember on multiple occasions my mom speaking of fostering children in our home. How she wanted to do this one day when her biological kids were grown and had left home. I haven't talked with her about this in many many years - I wonder if she still feels this way. My mother is a compassionate woman. She is very successful in the business world and very busy - she has a lot on her plate all the time - she always has. Yet she always finds time to do things for other people, including her children. I feel so blessed to have her as my example. I love her and her willingness to serve others. She is amazing. I hope that I am in my own way following in her footsteps. I will continue to pray about God's will for my life - for what Eric, Ashley and I have been called to do. Are we to open our family to an adopted child? Are we to give financially to orphanages? Are we to get involved in school planting to give these orphaned children a real chance at life? What is your will, oh Lord? Show us. Place your hand over us and guide us.

Mark 16:15

"He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation."" - Mark 16:15

How many times do I go through an entire day and not do anything that would even remotely resemble going into all the world and preaching the good news to all creation?

This verse is the great commission, it tells us that as christians it is our sole responsibility to tell others about Christ and what he has done for us by dying upon the cross. The BIble says that it is his will that all should come to repentance and that none should perish, the BIble asks how these lost people will know the Gospel unless someone proclaims it to them? God dwells within us and calls us to be a witness, because we are the salt and light of the world, the one of whom the Living God has touched.

I guess that is why I am going to blog about our adoption journey. Because I know that it is all from Him - and I want to give glory to God and for others to see that in what I write and in whatever transpires throughout this journey. Should we ultimately decide to adopt - should we decide not to - should we bring home a precious child or not - it will all be here.

CHOSEN: If you were mine

Kids with no parents to love and protect them break my heart. Sick children break my heart.

Growing up I always said I wanted to be a pediatrician - first semester of college broke that dream. Since I came into college with so many AP classes and having taken college courses at the local community college while still in high school I came in that first year with enough hours to be a second semester Sophomore. So that first semester when I took Genetics, Biology and Chemistry at the same time...and didn't do so well in either - I really had to question if I really wanted to go to medical school bad enough to buckle down and get the work done. I didn't. I didn't want to buckle down and study all the time. I wanted to enjoy college and have fun with my friends. Ultimately I majored in accounting. Something that I enjoyed and that made sense to me. However being an auditor did not do anything for my love of children in need. What it did do is take me on a three week trip to China. While sightseeing on the weekends I saw loads of parents with Chinese babies. I didn't think much of it at the time. Really I don't think I even consciously realized what was going on until years later. But all these families were there adopting the orphans of China. Thinking back now I know exactly what they were doing - some were taking in all the culture they could in a few short weeks - learning all they could about the heritage of their new child, others were probably just passing the time before their consulate appointment. But they were all adopting children who had no mom or dad. All giving a forever family to a child who had no one to love and protect them.

I saw in our church bulletin a blurb about an adoption workshop. A couple in our Bible fellowship class is leading a new ministry, CHOSEN. CHOSEN is hosting the 'If You Were Mine' series over a 7 week period. We are considering attending. I'm not sure what it will be like. If it will focus on God's desire for the orphan or if it will be a class on steps to take to adoption. Either would be good for us at this point. You can never have too much information.